3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
