OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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