my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
