its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
