It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
