i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Drunk is a universal language darling
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
