oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
