totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
