You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
