remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
