I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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