I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
