I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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