batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
