Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You can't special order awesome
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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