Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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