Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
thus making me awesome and them whores
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The ass gains better be worth it
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