But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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