i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
