update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
