I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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