i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
