we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
