I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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