i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I AM VODKA MAN
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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