Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
