So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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