I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
