My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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