she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
