paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you would pick up someone in the library
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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