My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I look better un-naked...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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