Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's blow job season.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
