anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
