I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
