Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
