WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
