fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
