I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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