Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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