if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize