Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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