Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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