guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
