I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
