haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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