Three words: puerto rican gang bang
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
