Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
