I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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