it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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