Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
