i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize