I could have mohawked her pubes.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
