whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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