my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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