had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
