I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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