carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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