ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
