if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
