There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize