I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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