Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
