1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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