sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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