The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dear god my vagina.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
