who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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