i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
