I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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