If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize