Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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