youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
