he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
