god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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