i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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