Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
