i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
