whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
