i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
