Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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