I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
