i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
