we have officially lost it.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize